to prove i was paying attention
2019-05-10 6:15 p.m.
fat, pock-marked, and hateful with chemically treated hair. its easy to be bitter and to look forward to the end of the week if only because you can go to sleep early and stay in bed late. or go to sleep for two more days until its time to again pretend at work that i am a real person who enjoys things. and fuck, i think i could be a real person for a few hours or so. but i lapse back into me who lets everybody down and who has no soul and who cannot tolerate boredom. i think i could sooner tolerate incarceration or even nazis than i could tolerate boredom.
i don't know how to go through life with boredom always on the horizon.