i take back everything i've said
2017-06-04 8:16 p.m.

today i PRed my 5k. most of my running life, i've been a 10 min per mile runner and clearly back of the pack. so its so strange that i can run sub-8 minute miles. i think my time was like 24:42. 7th in my age group of 250. 42 of 2,186 overall. i am bragging to my future and past selves. its just so unlikely i can run at that pace and even more so because my bloodwork came back depleted of iron again. and because i mostly drank yesterday. not to shortchange today, i drank until i passed out this afternoon.

sometimes i feel i could possibly crush life if i managed to get a hold of myself. crush running. be awesome at work. oh family, i had a dream about babies in elevators and felt 200% confident in the dream that i should try to make one of my own. but then i woke up and had one of those panicky moments when you're not sure where you are... i thought i was in my old home.

most of my bad dreams center around horses. usually, i am supposed to feed the horses, and i forget to feed them for days. maybe i have slept until noon. maybe i forget to give them any water or clean their stalls. and then i go out to find them, and they're up to their bellies in quicksand. or they have galloped through wire and their pasterns are entangled or tendons sliced.

today i rode elton in a hackamore because i wanted him to be able to eat leisurely. he didn't feel like eating and instead took the liberty to run two steps sideways when faced with anything fearful.

it felt like we were castling on a chessboard. that i was the king, but there was no rook.

< new older former mail book notes profile design host >