"i always walked myself from your place home."
2002-11-07 6:53 a.m.

i'm off again.

i go to rader today. the residential program in oxnard whose website shows rooms with beds with warm quilts with girls prepared to lie underneath them. i don't feel prepared. i don't feel thin enough to go.

weather always seems to mark the events in my life. today is the first rain. today my hair is bright dark red like you might find on an tulip imported from holland. its the first big alteration of my appearance in more than five years. it looks awful, and i like it. it matches the leaves that the water and wind pulled down during the night.

you can't trust me.
trees in the city don't appeal to me anymore.