"red devil dawn"
2003-02-25 8:55 p.m.

i think there are three kinds of people with respect to sleep dreams: the kind who are unaffected by them for the most part, the kind who view them as signs or even visions, and the kind who simply find them intriguing, as brief and temporary realities. i think i'm the third kind of person.

i've had some great dreams that i wish were real. once i dreamt that i was friends with conor oberst and that he genuinely liked me as a friend too. that was a nice dream even though the ground throughout the entire dream was on a flat plane which slanted at an angle of about 50 degrees. i had to walk up hill a lot.

another great dream i had was of a huge bowl of salad. one of those really good summery salads with tang and zest and crispiness. upon waking, i was pretty bummed that it was just a dream.

i've had some horrible dreams. one i remember vividly. from when i was about 5 or 6. its so vivid that i think i might be confusing it with a fantasy, but i hope for my own sake that i am not. its this dream about a kid i had a crush on, aaron. and we're in kind of a dark red dungeon with candles and all the s&m design accessories... there's a large square black pit in the center of the room... i'm not really sure what this is for. i think there is also a hot tub of lava. anyway, so aaron starts leaving little shits on the floor around the pit. and i guess he is really enjoying leaving the little shits in a kind of erotic way. so my job, basically, is to eat the little shits.

i'd say that's a hell of a dream for a first grader to be having. it's always disturbed me a lot. i hadn't told anybody about it before this weekend when i told ben... it was one of those "lets share the weirdest pieces of ourselves with each other." i hate it when my weirdest piece blows his weirdest piece right out of the water.

so i think, at ben's suggestion, i'm going to mention it to tony. i don't want to be that second kind of person with regard to dreams, but i think its significant enough to at least mention. if for no other reason then because it still freaks me out to this day.

last night i dreamt about an old friend, a best friend. all i remember about the dream was that the friend was angry with me, the room was early morning dim, and i wanted to float toward the ceiling. there are some dreams you never really wake up from.

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