there will be strains that break out of straight time
2017-06-20 10:18 p.m.

i broke my right wrist like, maybe 5 years ago. maybe longer. it was on or about october 1. and i had plans to take a white horse to nevada and ride fifty mile in the dry, dry heat. but the white horse was starting to grow a long winter coat. i understand that horses grow and shed coats based on day length rather than actual heat. so this was happening in october, and a long coat in the broiling pan of red rock nevada was not going to be good. i decided to clip the big pony.

being a no-nonsense, non-show horse, he didn't think it was very reasonable to stand for clipping. being a stubborn me, i thought i would just make him. and honestly, he tried to stand for it a short while. i got half of his neck clipped before he really jumped out of skin and just couldn't manage. he ran into and over me, and holding the clippers, i fell on my wrist.

i dislocated a ringer finger before on mother's day when i was 14. after waiting all day in the er, it was the most painful thing to have the doctor put it back into place. so now, once i realized my wrist was sticking improperly out, i thought for sure it was dislocated and immediately tried to shove it back into position. this didn't work. it was just shattered. my mom threw me in the car wailing like baby and took me to the er.

i could barely walk in, and my mom said she would check me in. sure, the er was busy, but my wrist was stuck out perpendicular from my arm... i really expected like a "terms of endearment" kind of mothering when shirley mcclaine demands, "get my daughter the pills!" but my mom returned from the receptionist counter and just said, "so they're really busy and will call you back soon." i sat for maybe five minutes holding my deformed arm before going up to the receptionist and displaying it in the hopes of getting some help. it worked. they called me back, took my blood pressure, and announced i was going into shock. it seemed pretty possible.

five years later - or again, maybe longer - i have a plate in my arm. the white horse has a medicine hat marking.

twice today i have fallen asleep in the middle of thinking about things. totally a non-sequitur but i'm about to fall asleep again so.

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