raised on promises
2017-10-05 9:28 p.m.

when you have been alone a very long time, maybe its not your fault. when you haven't even dated, as an activity, well, maybe, who can blame you? i've surely slept with more people than i've dated. which isn't to say a lot of people.

whatever a lot is.

but maybe when you see someone in the window, and think of them in space, and the time spent with them is time spent wondering whether time exists and what it is.

and sleeping near someone is always a means of complication.

then maybe its not your fault that you like people too much.

i've had so much anxiety this week about work. we are not going to get our grants and i have to supervise someone who is probably my superior on all fronts, and i have to try to seem nice in meetings. i feel like such a fucking fraud. i'm supposed to possibly sit on some workforce development board. that is so sad. i can't even sit still through a tv show. i don't even know anything at all.

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