"all the dreams we held so close seemed to all go up in smoke"
2003-01-02 7:43 a.m.

they tested angie's dna. they noticed the larger gap between her big toe and the one next to it. they noticed the way her eyes slant up. she has downs.

i cry, on and off. it is nothing less than tragic. genetics at its most senseless, brutal, cruel. my mother is already critical of my sister. my sister weeps and my mother will say, "whatever she is, you love her already." my mother, i think, is so often busy readying to repair situations, she doesn't understand the emotions people feel. the grief they feel. or why they should feel grief at all. i don't think she realizes that they're not crying for themselves, or for a child that they expected but didn't get.

one in 800 babies born will have downs. everyday, beautiful children are cheated so.

when you hold her, she is so still. and looks so perfect.

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