"our warm, lonely planet"
2003-07-03 8:27 p.m.

somehow, one more chance i have. i am riding a morgan, that i have not yet seen, miles and miles into the vastness of nevada red rock on saturday. a favorite vacation spot of roy rogers and dale evans, they say. i break down in tears a lot, lately. my shrink says i ought to be expecting to feel this way. in the months to come. the horse's name is indiana mordoc. the woman who owns him does not have a phone. my sister, my mother, and i are all on paxil now. somebody is going to paint a picture of my horse for me. he is getting 800 dollars worth of injections into his ass this month. he has a beautiful bum.

i miss contact. i know you don't think so, but i can be a sensual person when i'm in love, i'm just a bit frightened the whole way through. love is one way non stop. how would i ever accept that you wanted me wanting you? i use the past tense because i don't know what you want from me right now. the breaking of a heart is like the expansion of a universe.

precisely blue skies opened. but there was no unintentional reaction, no involuntary sincerity in your body. it was like suburbia in its affinity to me. i was just there. i think i stroke your ego. i think i'm despised by you. fear has given me a headache and that is why i cannot sleep.

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