whatever the moon has always meant
2017-05-28 4:45 p.m.

it goes without saying that when you're in a race against yourself, you always win. and, you always lose, too.

today was a very small day with small matters, small thoughts, small tits. yea i went shopping with karin. she wanted to shop, and i wanted not to drink so we went to h&m and and victoria secret. at h&m, i bought very cheapass profesh clothes. and then bra shopping. i'm convinced that victoria secret vanity sizes their bras UP. have you seen my boobs? they are not a size 32D. and how karin managed a 32DD is beyond me. i tower over her. the very least an onibenevolent god would do is give me a bigger bust.

i'm also trying not to get bent over stupid comments people make in victoria secret.

reading trout fishing in america again. it is not really a novel and certainly not a poem, but it is thoughtful and exact in word choice. i remember my mom telling me of a man who legally had his name changed to trout fishing in america.

this american life is a trip this week. it focuses on loneliness i think, but i've only heard the parts about extraterrestrial life, the fermi paradox, and the drake equation. the possibility of other life is a hard one to narrow down, apparently. there could be 156 million other earthlike planets... alternatively, the chance that there is intelligent life out there might amount to like, 9 X 10^-11. well, 0. which suggests we are pretty goddamn special, and i could believe that because i know some real winners. then the broadcast delved into loneliness in marriage and relationships, and i stopped listening.

i learned that dreyfus died. of dreydegger explanation. he was my favorite most brilliant professor and couldn't spell which was so wonderful. i recall him writing on the chalkboard, and stupid sophomores would correct his spelling, as if it mattered. he was not bothered by it one bit, and when correcting his own misspelling, he asked these twerps if he finally had it right. maybe instead of focusing on dasein, i should have taken from him what it means to be self assured. i must be a learned skill in a fake it till you make it sense.

i am going to lie in the middle of my big bed and sleep my sunday away. i am one lucky lady.

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